Fishing Funnies

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Here are some funny fishing comics!

Where do shellfish go to borrow money ?
To the prawn broker !
What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse ?
The Codfather !
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ?
He prawned everything !
Which fish can perform operations ?
A Sturgeon !
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys ?
He got lockjaw !
Where do fish wash ?
In a river basin !
Why did the whale cross the road ?
To get to the other tide !
Where do little fishes go every morning ?
To plaice school !
What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?
A motor pike !
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark ?
As far away as possible !

 

What did the sardine call the submarine ?
A can of people !
What's the difference between a fish and a piano ?
You can't tuna fish !
Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ?
Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside !
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much ?
A beer-a-cuda !
Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean ?
Billy the Squid !
What happened to the cold jellyfish ?
It set !
What's the coldest fish in the sea ?
A blue whale !
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ?
On squid row !
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout ?
Monkfish !
What kind of fish will help you hear better ?
A herring aid !
What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
Fsh !
How do fish go into business ?
The start on a small scale !
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ?
A hermit crab !
What fish only swims at night ?
A starfish !
Which fish go to heaven when they die ?
Angelfish !
What bit of fish doesn't make sense ?
The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !
What kind of money do fishermen make ?
Net profits !
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand ?
Birdsthigh fish fingers !
What kind of noise annoys an oyster ?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)
What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream ?
Jellyfish !

What game do fish like playing the most ?
Name that tuna !
What do naked fish play with ?
Bare-a-cudas !
What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon ?
An electric shark !
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?
Whale of fortune !
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear ?
Because they have electric 'eels !
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !
To whom do fish go to borrow money ?
The loan shark !
Why are gold fish orange ?
The water makes them rusty !
Who held the baby octopus to ransome ?
Squidnappers !
What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish ?
Tsardines !

How do the fish get to school ?
By octobus !
Why did the lobster blush ?
Because the sea weed !
What part of a fish weighs the most ?
It's scales !
What fish do road-menders use ?
Pneumatic krill !
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings ?
A fish tank !
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?
Jack the kipper !
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend ?
'Your plaice or mine' !
Where does seaweed look for a job ?
In the 'Kelp-wanted' adds !
Why is a fish easy to weigh ?
Because it has its own scales !
What happens when sharks take their clothes off ?
They go sharkers !

1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'
What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather ?
Skate !
What is the best way to communicate with a fish ?
Drop it a line !
Where do you weigh whales ?
At a whale weigh station !
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ?
A seahorse !
Where are most fish found ?
Between the head and the tail !
What do fish sing to each other ?
Salmon-chanted evening !
How does an octopus go to war ?
Well-armed !
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus ?
I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand !
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment ?
A flat fish !